At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
