I am puke
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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