I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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