did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
