Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
