We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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