Will you blow on my dice?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
