Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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