im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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