i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
