look no pants
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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