did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
