Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
