I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
