Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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