im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
