If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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