Where did you get a picture of my penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
