Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
whose ass print is on the piano?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can you bring me the toilet please
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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