My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
