Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
