Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
