We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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