who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
