Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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