I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
