the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
50% drunk capacity currently
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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