you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
