So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
