he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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