she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
