I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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