Please, let me fuck your mom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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