My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
