Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
