So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think people are normalizing furries
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
