The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
