Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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