I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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