In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
