and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
