Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
