I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
