Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
