just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
