But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
