mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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