one two three fourrrrnication!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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