I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
