Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
