Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
