he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
