I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize