I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
