i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
