I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
