can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
