I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
