a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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