Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
