That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
