New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
