I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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