I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
