I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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