new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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