If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
