I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
