I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
