I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
