New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
