I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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