If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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