I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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