They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
