My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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