So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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