party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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