what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
