____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
