I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize