My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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