I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
